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Bill Maher Quotes

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"We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies."

"I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder."

"The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right."

"Apparently Bob Dole's new election strategy is to find a Republican policy so stupid, even Clinton won't copy it."

"Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex."

"Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids."

"The House okayed the gasoline tax cut, which will increase the deficit, line the pockets of the oil companies, and hurt the environment; Dole said that if there was just some way this could interfere with people's sex lives, it would be perfect legislation."

"The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap."

"They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed."

"This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air."

"We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly."

"Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence."

"A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out."

"The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people and don't come in clearly enough."

"It's all been satirized for your protection."

"We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities."

"Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit.""
Death

"Men are only as loyal as their options."

"The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs."
Religion

"Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious."
Religion

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