Bob Hope Quotes

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"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."

"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf."
Sports

"If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it."

"The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off."

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
Age

"If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble."

"My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one."

"When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano."

"I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty."

"You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
Age

"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."
Funny

"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap."
Age

"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom."

"When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in."

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."

"I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

"She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction."

"I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money."

"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

"If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble."