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Fran Lebowitz Quotes

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"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."

"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."

"The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive."

"Polite conversation is rarely either."

"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."

"Andy Warhol made fame more famous."

"Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications."

"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."

"In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy."

"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."

"Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass."

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."

"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."

"Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football."

"You're only has good as your last haircut."

"I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit."

"This is not a tough job. You read a script. If you like the part and the money is O.K., you do it. Then you remember your lines. You show up on time. You do what the director tells you to do. When you finish, you rest and then go on to the next part. That's it."

"Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?""

"Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw."

"I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not."

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