Fred Allen Quotes

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"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?"
Funny

"The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed."

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."

"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."
Funny

"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."

"The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret."

"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there."

"Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you."

"Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut."

"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart."

"When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the limbo of yesteryear's happy hours. All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter."

"Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent."

"Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for a star."

"Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything."

"Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done."

"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy."

"California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange."

"I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."