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Joe E. Lewis Quotes

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"I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play."

"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink."

"A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on."

"I always wake up at the crack of ice."

"I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin."

"I drink to forget I drink."

"I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise."

"It pays to get drunk with the best people."

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster."

"Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest."

"You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough."

"Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on."

"They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses."

"I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them."

"I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves."

"It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money."

"There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty."

"Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum."

"Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people."

"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty."

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