"Morality is of the highest importance - but for us, not for God."
"I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her."
"Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?""
"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."
"I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is."
"Human beings must be known to be loved; but Divine beings must be loved to be known."
"Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning."
"How many observe Christ's birthday! How few, his precepts! O! 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments."
"When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land."
"The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs."
"Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious."
"Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it."
"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither."
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness."
"Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time."
"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"
"We are punished by our sins, not for them."
"Religion is essentially the art and the theory of the remaking of man. Man is not a finished creation."
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